Okay, so it’s about to get real personal here on facebook
and my blog. Weight. Usually I keep personal things to myself but I’ve been debating
on sharing this for about 3 months now. As many of my friends and facebook people
that keep tabs on me know, I came to a point on Feb 1st that I
started eating to change my life. What you all didn’t know is that I wrote out
a three page commitment to change my life. It was very emotional and hard for
me to write it all down and look at it, and it’s a little difficult to share
something so personal here. But, I’m finding just through facebook alone that
there are many people, acquaintances,
friends of friend that are struggling to gain control of their weight. That
is why I’m deciding to be raw and real right here; right down to my starting
weight. Maybe someone will be encouraged through my story of a decision I made
on January 30, 2012. I actually stepped on the scale the night before which was
January 29th, and I cried for about an hour straight in my husbands'
arms. *sigh*This is exactly as it is
written in my food journal. So here goes…
“My Food Journal & Commitment”
January
30
“Today I stepped on the scale & the number I saw
frightened me to tears…225. All my life I have carried extra weight but never
has it so much truly frightened me. Today I will make serious commitments of “I
will” and “I will not’s” Let me read and write this when I’m frustrated or
discouraged. I’m Brooke Lopez do this day make the following commitments to
myself, my children and my husband.”
“I will not…”
·
I will not let my body any longer control me.
·
I will not give up when it seems I’m not getting
anywhere.
·
I will not give in to emotional eating (happy or
sad)
·
I will not be the “fat” mommy who is tired &
unhealthy
·
I will not be the fat, unhealthy wife who
selfishly condones how I look because “he loves me as I am.”
·
I will not be the wife that is ashamed for her
husband…or in front of his friends to see him with someone who isn’t what he could
be proud to have. Not skinny, but healthy.
·
I will not be a walking health hazard.
·
I will not be too intimidated to go to the gym.
·
I will no longer look in the mirror & feel
hopeless over what I see
·
I will not base my health or achievement based
on numbers but on lifestyle of living.
·
I will not be ashamed or insecure of what or
where my husband touches.
·
I will not remain under the domination of foods
I like but on what is good for me.
·
I will be an obese statistic.
·
I will not let my eating control me.
·
I will not be unhealthy when God chooses to give
me a baby.
·
I will not contribute to my deteriorating
health. It’s there though I may not see it.
·
Last, and most important… I WILL NOT ANY LONGER
LET MY WEIGHT KILL ME. IT MAY BE SLOW BUT IT IS SLOWLY KILLING ME.
“I Will…”
·
I will take control of my body & it will not
control me.
·
I will eat to be healthy.
·
I will deem my success on how healthy I feel and
live not by numbers.
·
I will be someone my husband can be proud of.
Not because of how I look but how hard I try.
·
I will live a life controlled by the Lord, not
by my own body.
·
I will ask the Lord to help me.
·
I will live and be healthy for my un-born
babies.
·
I will be healthy and take care of the person my
husband loves.
·
I will be the wife that will not feel ashamed
for her husband or his friends to see him with.
·
I will promise to not think skinny is the goal
but stay focused on being active & living healthy.
·
I will deem myself to have just as much right
(if not more) to be at the gym.
·
I will be able to look in the mirror & be
proud of, not what I see, but also who I see; a healthy individual who doesn’t
live in oblivion & denial or hopelessness.
·
I will be 100% confident of what or where my
husband touches.
·
I will eat to live, not live to eat.
·
I will take control of my life.
·
I will live healthy for my husband and our
babies to be the best I can be.
·
I will not let my weight define me.
·
I WILL TAKE BACK THE YEARS OF MY LIFE I’M LOSING
BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT. IT’S NOT TOO LATE BUT I CAN’T AFFORD TO WAIT UNTIL IT IS…I
HAVE TOO MUCH AT STAKE.
There it is… I said it. The morning I wrote this I left
it on my husbands’ side of the bed to read and he found it when he got home.
Disclaimer: These are my own personal commitments. I am in no way writing these
as a judgment for others that don’t have these personal feelings. It is how I
felt and even now as I re-read it all, my conviction in these areas are just as
strong and it helps me on the days that feel so hard to live healthy. Again,
this was very personal and if you have anything negative to say or opinionate I
ask you, respectfully, to keep it to yourself. This is meant to encourage
others on this journey that I have been in that place, still struggle, and
still have a long way to go. Remember the
goal is HEALTHY not SKINNY.
I’m
on my way and I feel great and am so ready for my Marine husband to be home! Go
and conquer your life my friends!!!
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