Flickers of Life

I've figured out most, if not all, of my readers are women so this post is totally kosher. Lets face it, NO ONE likes to go the the "female" doctor and lets just say it was not at the top of my list of exciting things to do either. This morning was my very first baby check up appointment aka. for the total invasion of personal bubble space appointment. After necessary exams were complete it was time for the most special part of the visit...

The OB asked my husband to move around to my right side and then pulled over the sonogram machine and said "It's time to see your little baby!". The screen lit up and she proceeded to look for the baby and BAM...there was this little grey blob and of course I asked the obvious duh question most new mothers probably ask "is that my baby?" The sonogram machine itself was kind of ancient so it wasn't a super good picture but you could see enough. I've never had my tummy do those kinds of butterflies and the feelings that came over me were so overwhelming. There was a baby and it was mine!

Then the moment that made the entire visit worth it was when Dr. Nell said to look at the screen and we would see a steady little flicker of what looks like light. As Dane and I stared at the picture we began to see little flickers and she said "That's your baby's heart beating." I somehow couldn't take my eyes from that screen. It felt like if my baby could talk in that moment with it's little beating heart it would have said, Mommy I know I wasn't your plan and I know you had a really hard time accepting me but I'm here and I accept you as unready as you feel. Whoah. My baby has a heart, it's LIVING. I'm probably getting lots of rolled eyes and duh thoughts but you have to experience it for the first time to understand these feelings. Now instead of selfish feelings the only thought constantly running through my mind is a desire for complete safety for this baby. 

I'm still so overwhelmed at the awesome creation of life that is going on inside me. This baby steals my heart more and more every single day. In 7 months I will meet a little extension of my heart.

Overwhelmed. (okay, I'll probably go cry now...like thats something new :P)

~Brooke